Epiphany

I cannot pinpoint precisely when I felt this mental shift coming. It's like I woke up one day and said, ENOUGH! For far too long I have let anyone and anything take the blame for my weight. I have blamed my parents' divorce, genetics, stress, lack of sleep...and on and on. Finally, I have decided to change my way of thinking. It's me. It's my lack of self-control and discipline that has resulted in me being obese. It's time for a change.


One of my coworkers is a chronic crash dieter. As a nurse, I know better than to fall into that trap. I know it will result in rapid loss, then rapid gain as soon as I begin eating "normally" again. I know from experience, that route is not for me. When she asked me a few weeks ago to go on a "diet" with her, I was hesitant, but felt I was in a good place for a change.


After hearing the extremes of the diet plan she chose and the cost of "drops", I opted out. I had a gut feeling that I would not be able to stick with the "diet". I knew I would cheat. I made a promise to myself that I would change my way of eating, but would do it on my own terms.

I have always been a healthy eater. Fruits and vegetables have always been my preferred foods. My food choices are (most times) not the problem. It's the portion sizes. I have discovered that I was taking in WAY too much. I knew, but I wasn't letting the truth sink in. I am an over-eater. With the help of a kitchen scale, I now have my portions under control. I weigh EVERYTHING!

I have put myself on a "lifestyle change" eating plan of 1,500 calories or less per day. I am eating 5 small protein based meals per day. 3 of these meals are solid food. 1/2 cup each of fruit and vegetables and 3-4oz of lean protein. The other 2 "meals" are protein meal-replacement shakes. My shakes consist of 6oz of light soy milk and 1 scoop of protein powder. I am not perfect. I do consume some "unhealthy" foods in moderation. Moderation is key! I have found that if I allow myself to have a "forbidden" item occasionally, my cravings are nearly non-existent and I won't overindulge.

My relationship with food is changing. I have to make a conscious effort with every bite. My eyes have been opened to the mistakes I have made in the past, and I am determined to never fall back into that vile place again. I am focused on the future and the choices for which I am responsible.